Rain needed in the heart of the desert.

I was looking through some photos from last September 2010.  I snapped all these photos after a late summer rain shower.  The misty clouds are still hovering.

I notice how much wild growth we had in our yard. That same kind of growth, grasses and brush, would have happened all over the state.  Now that growth is dry and acts like a fire tinder.  The smallest spark can set it off.  I heard that 603,000 acres have burned in New Mexico wildfires just since the beginning of 2011.

This land needs some rain.  Yesterday my coworkers and I were discussing the things everyone is doing to call the rain.   One gal mentioned washing her car.  I chimed in with how I washed my windows.  Someone else said the catholics took the saints out and paraded them around the village.   And there is a pow-wow planned soon over at the one of the nearby pueblos.

It is nice to look at these photos of cactus dripping with moisture.  Such a nicer thing to put into my mind then what I've been worrying about lately.  I'm also a heart shaped collector of images, rocks, and etc....what can I say but this photo just does it for me.

I thought it won't hurt to put up some images of rain reflections.  To remind myself rain does and will come here again.  

hello rainwater!

My happy laughing frog will once again hold rain drops.  Until then, I'm keeping the faith.

Tonglen for the desert

When the smoke from the AZ wildfires came, this is what it looked like outside my door.  It smelled like the forest was on fire, and it was hard to even step outside to snap this photo.  That ridge is less than a mile away even though the perspective of this photo makes it look much farther away. 

Montezuma's Ridge June 6

We've had several days of clear skies again.  The wind pattern has taken the smoke to other areas.  I feel very sad and worried about the fires in Arizona.   It isn't just Arizona though.  I worry for all of the southwest.   My own state of New Mexico has had numerous fires this season.  I try not to be too anxious about where I live..........but I am anxious.  I feel dry and brittle.    I can feel the stress from all the plants.  I make sure to get water outside each morning into a low birdbath.  I saw a rabbit drinking from it yesterday evening.    That was joy for my heart to witness.   

I did not see the wildflowers much this year.  A few struggled to bloom.  The cactus is fairing better, but their blooms do not last long.  This little gem appeared one day.  I happened to catch it when I was outside giving other drought tolerant plants some supplemental water.  

Cactus bloom under pinon tree June 2011

My meditation has begun to include some tonglen. I breathe in dry brittle and breathe out moist soft.

I breathe in gratitude for exactly the way it is and I breathe out gratitude for exactly the way it will eventually change.  Each moment always changing.   What remains beyond that?

It is counter intuitive.  I don't like breathing in the dry brittle and I want to resist and bolt from my cushion.  Yet, I stay.  I return again to the practice of breathing in the dry brittle smokey fear and breathing out the moist soft clear gentleness.   This practice opens me to catch a glimpse of greater wisdom.  It calms my anxiety. 

It opens my ability to receive what is here now and beyond what it always changing.  It is like the sweetness of catching a glimpse of cactus in bloom or the happy relief of a rabbit quenching it's thirst.  It is like sending down my taproot to drink from THAT which is ever present and beyond. 

That glimpse doesn't last.   Nothing lasts.   Living is inherantly uncertain and groundless, and my anxiety comes again.  My mind rattles on to other worries.     So, I  return again to my meditation cushion each day- practicing tonglen for the desert.

Creative blessings to all who stop by.....

Friday Link from the rabbit hole.

Not sure now who pointed me to this video.........it was likely in someone's friday links????  The memory gets fuzzy when I fall down the rabbit hole........ 

I think I want to make this beet cake.  I'm not a cake baker because I haven't figured out how to adjust for high altitude.  Oh, and the little detail that my hubster and I would weigh 500 lbs EACH.   Something tells me this might be a cake worth trying to make the adjustment for high altitude.    Or maybe that is just my craving for it at this moment.

I can say it is worth it to spend two minutes watching this painterly video of making this cake.  

Creative blessings and happy watching.

Stand in solidarity for play

What is creative dawdling?  It's PLAY. 

It has the ability to shape shift into a multitude of activities that don't have a darn thing to do with any "artistic" or classically creative activites such as drawing or theatre. 

It is a worthy thing to do regardless of outcome. Creative dawdling is the permission to do something you want to do because it makes you feel at home with yourSELF.   Like fingerprints each person has a unique to them combo of creative dawdles.  No one can say there is one and only one way to dawdle.

Creative dawdling is spiritual.    You know it by how your spirit comes alive.  Sometimes it is mundane and  sometimes it is inspired, but your inner spirit resonates with it.   

You have permission to play.  Permission to do something you enjoy for no reason other than you enjoy it.  I say this more for myself, than for anyone reading this, but feel free to take it into your own heart.
You have permission to dawdle. 
Remember that it is up to your own heart to give you permission.  It doesn't come from anywhere else no matter how much you've been fooled into believing otherwise. 

You have permission to _______________________________________    Fill in the blank and try it on. See what comes up to the edge of your awareness.  Now give yourself more permission to relax into those edges.  

Each day is a new day to give yourself fresh permission.  It doesn't just happen once and then you are done.   Giving yourself permission is like brushing your teeth.   Wash, rinse, repeat.

Like brushing your teeth, permission to play doesn't have to be done only when you find the time to retreat for a week.  It can be done in little moments. 

This blog for me is NOT about how I make my living.  I'm not selling anything here.  I'm not earning extra pennies from affiliate links.  I'm not saying there is anything wrong with that either.  At this moment, this blog is place for me to express myself without the pressure of making it into a business.  A way to share my dawdles, the things that light up my spirit.  To share my creative heart.  To scratch my writing itch.  

Also this blog isn't about gaining some kind fame or attention.  I do crave attention sometimes (what blog writer doesn't? comments - yes please I'll have some of those).   It's more accurate to say this blog is about connecting, and about leaving a record of what resonates with meaning in my life. 

I sometimes think about opening an etsy shop and going toward a blog that connects my creativity to earning money.   I fantasize about teaching.    I look at what other people are doing and think I should do that.  Should is a big red flag.  I forget sometimes and begin to think commerce is the only reason to blog.  That gets me into trouble every single time I go there in my thinking.  Then the motivation to write lapses.

This blog for me is a hobby.  And why is it when I say hobby it somehow demeans it's purpose?  Because we live in this culture that says if it does not earn money, then it has no meaning, no worthiness.    This makes me sad.  It is not true.  Unfortunately, it is a message that must be constantly managed and filtered into the do not believe file.

I feel the need to return to writing on my blog.  It means something for the quality of my life to share my play, my creative dawdles, my spiritual meanders.

I must stand in solidarity with my blog and it's purpose as a hobby.   To stand with it and say it is OK to PLAY.  It is alright to write on a blog for no other reason than it feels enjoyable.   To stand and say creative dawdling is important.    It is as valuable to do as brushing your teeth regularly and often.   

To stand and say - I am a creative dawdler. I do not need to explain or wait for someone else to give me permission   A minute, two, or five daily might be enough to get going.  

Remember permission comes from inside yourSELF.   

Creative blessings to all who come here from commentators to beloved lurkers.

Give them a clubhouse

Hello.  It's been a long time since I've been here, huh.    But the committee is busy in the clubhouse so they haven't noticed that I'm slacking on my blog.......hee, hee.

My friend Karen reminded me that I never showed pictures of the clubhouse that I made for my committee.  The committee is what I call my inner critics.  They are the internal voices of doubt and fear.  No, I am not referring to a DSM-IV class of mental disorder.    I'm just referring to those parts of me that can get in the way when one is attempting creative dawdling.  I decided I really didn't have just one critic....I really had a committee of them.  Some are loud. Some are quiet.  All of them can get disruptive.   Last October when I was really negotiating with the committee I made them a clubhouse.  I got the idea from Magpie Girl.

 It is a bit hard to photograph the clubhouse......"you won't get a good picture of it so why are you trying"......ahem....(yes, that was the committee talking as I photographed their turf)

The clubhouse is a little 6 inch  by 6 inch by 4 inch place I gave the committee.  That way if they start to bother me I can tell them to go to the clubhouse.  Magpie girl gives her gremlins caramels which keeps them busy chewing instead of talking to her.  This inspired me to give my committee a whole variety of things to keep them busy.  They have a labyrinth to walk and maybe get lost following.  Actually I hope the labyrinth will calm them down and give their brains some balancing.  They have a swing which is very soothing to them.

I gave them a bit of measuring tape because you know how they love to measure me up.....this way they can do that in their clubhouse and practice for when I do ask for their advice.  This is the thing about the critic, it is actually quite helpful but it needs to be given limits.

There are some random buttons and bells and baubles that the committee can play with.  The five minute hourglass timer is a new thing I've given them.  This pleased them.

One of my favorite parts of the clubhouse is jungle print wallpaper.  I'd received some lovely birthday gifts in September and the wrapping paper, too pretty to throw away, floated around in my studio.......until the day I suddenly decided to make the clubhouse.  It is just so perfect for those wild beasts, monsters, and gremlins.......draws them right into it.  They love having an audience.

The clubhouse lives in a little corner shelf of my studio. I try to tell the committee to go for a walk while I work and remind them if they come back early to go hang out in their clubhouse.

An end of AEDM and a break.

AEDM was a bust for me this year.  I started out with lots of momentum.  Then I began to realize the project of using my rusty bits wasn't really holding my interest.  My heart and desire wasn't in it.   So actually, I cannot completely say AEDM was a bust because I learned something about what my desire is not.  I actually feel a bit lighter around it all now and can let it go. 

I might have switched to something else as a daily art project, except mid month my 10 year old cat Oscar got sick.   He seems to be getting better now, but there is still a bit of a question mark about his health.   I've been caring for him instead of focusing on doing any kind of art or creative things.  Though I've managed a moment here or there, nothing much to document.  

December is just around the corner.  I won't turn this post into a rant but it is a little bit of one...... I'm already feeling worn out.  I come online either to get email, or look at Facebook or read some blogs and everywhere I turn is a pitch for someone's product, ebook, vote, movement, etc.   Right now it's a lot about the Holidays but soon it will be the "turn over a new page and live the life you've always wished for stuff" that comes with the New Year.

I am questioning why I blog.  I thought it might be useful to have an outlet to express myself.  I certainly thought it might be useful to keep track of my creative dawdling.   I know it would be useful to be more consistent on this blog.   I sometimes see an online class or ebook that might help me improve this blog, but I am weary of online connecting.  As I said above I'm tired of all the connecting that is just a big cluttered room of sales pitches of one kind or another.   Or if it isn't a sales pitch it is some other kind of believe as I do sort of broadcast and be sure to share it with your network.    Yes, you do hear some cynicism in my voice.

So, I think at least for December I am going to take a break.   Oh, I'll still come online.....just not quite so mindlessly and habitually.  I think this will be the last post I make this year on my blog........I reserve the right to change my mind.   I'm not quitting my blog.   For now, I'm just saying you don't need to look for a post from me in December.

Have a happy end of the year 2010 however you choose to reflect upon it and celebrate it.  Creative blessings to y'all.

 

Sometimes I feel like giving up.   It's been one of those weeks for me.  I have managed to do a little creative something everyday but none to very little of it involved clay or rusty bits.   Well, I did look through some library books about mosaic.

I have had several visions for some of my rusty bits.  First it involved learning to weld so I could weld these bits together and make some really strange and cool yard sculpture.   This makes me remember I once had a flirtation with rock climbing.  I bought shoes and started climbing walls and realized I love the idea of this more than actually doing it.  The nearly new shoes went to a sports consignment shop.  That was twenty years ago - ugh!    

Several years ago I gave up the idea of learning to weld.   It occurred to me that I did not need to try it to discover it was like rock climbing for me.  I love the idea but I strongly suspect I would not actually like doing it.  Then slowly over time my vision morphed toward making clay creations and using my rusty bits with those.  This is what I've run up against - my vision doesn't actually match what I tend to do creatively.    I see these rusty bits and clay put together in my mind and I just know it isn't my art.  It isn't what I create.   The vision is based on what I've seen others create.   Suddenly this week the committee came in and convinced me to give up.  My committee is what I call the gremlins/inner critics.   I sort of stopped doing any of the creative things I was doing with clay.

So I'm stuck.  And in a bit of funk because of it.  Ok, a lot of funk.   I am hoping to break through the funk just a little bit.  To say hey, committee, I won't give up.  I may give up the vision I have for these rusty bits, but that doesn't mean I have to give up creating.   Today, I am going to get back with my hands in the clay.  I may do some other creative things too, but first priority is to get my hands into the clay.

When I started this Art Every Day Month I thought I will push through and make something with all these rusty bits using clay.   I will focus my attention just on that.  I learned this week that I really don't want this at all.  What I mean is - I am much happier doing a creative dawdle than creating some big dang do.   I was trying to take my vision and make some big dang do.

Really what I want is to be enough.  To create what pulls me each day.  To work in small lumps, small steps.  To say one day I will create by writing my blog.  To say another day I will create in my journal.  To get out clay and form something out of it one day.....but another day paint glaze on the clay.     To photograph another day.  To not force myself into some kind of mold or vision that is outside of me.  Not that there is anything wrong with creating a big dang do it is just that I've come to realize that for me just the act of doing some tangible hands on creating everyday is enough. 

So I'm changing my mind mid-month about the rusty bits.    I am letting a lot of it go.   I still may use a bit or two in something I'm making but I've decided to be creative every day without a forced agenda.   Actually, now I can feel my energy rising.   I don't feel so much in a funk. 

I give myself permission to be enough.  And with that I am off to the studio.......