Pattern Overwhelm

I often say I'm overwhelmed.  I wrote about overwhelm before.  Then I kind of forgot about it until a friend was saying I'm overwhelmed.......I once had an insight about that so I went to find my writing about it.....this has lead me into writing this new post about overwhelm.

In the last 2 months I've been doing this brain dance.  And by gosh it has helped me begin to see a pattern.   More dancing is required to fully unmake it and remake a new habit.  As a consequence of doing this wacky flailing of arms dance I see a little more clearly my overwhelm pattern.  It is so weird that this dance works. (more about that in future posts)

I say I'm overwhelmed, and it's usually on a day when I feel I need to answer emails, plan dinner, drive 50 miles to do the main grocery shopping, pay bills, and there are a million little care of the home tasks like scooping out the litter box and watering the basil.........

What I'm discovering is that it isn't all that, pardon my wording, *crap* that has me overwhelmed.   It is that on some level I've reached a point where I've been avoiding my one big thing.   Back when I wrote about overwhelm before - I did not put in any links in my post.  Nor did I put in the links to the blogs that originally gave me a clue to this insight.  So here is the link love to those bloggers....... Third Hands Works mentioned it and she was referring to Mona Grayson's post about it.  

But more about my Big Thing......
 I'm a creative dawdler.   Living a creative existence is what I feel is my Big Thing.  Creative dawdling isn't just the name of  my blog - it's what I call all my juicy soul nourishing creative activities......In my years of being a creative dawdler I have developed some habits that maybe are not so useful such as procrastination, drifting, exploring all things creative instead of focusing on just one or two.   These habits lead me to a pattern of overwhelm.

Sometimes when I am avoiding/drifiting from my creative life or when there is a lot of external responsibilities happening that I feel the time monsters shouting   -No Time!  No Time for creative! -  I start to go into a frenzy of chores and to dos and say I'm overwhelmed.   But really it's a clue that my overwhelm pattern loop is happening.  The way out is to go back to my creative dawdling.  Even a small step is enough to lessen overwhelm. 

Sometimes my creative dawdling has me overwhelmed because I love to do soooooooo many things........just a quick list includes, clay, SoulCollage®, journaling, photography, crochet, astrology, rituals, space arrangement, writing for personal pleasure, writing my blog, assemblage art, beading, reading about any of these topics........there's more....but my point is that when I say I'm overwhelmed in regards to my creative dawdling then it is usually because I'm thinking about all of these and more in a monkey mind jumping around in the studio tree's way.  I haven't actually taken a concrete tangible action on a one of them. 

The way to disrupt the pattern loop is to just pick something within my Big Thing Domain of Creative Dawdling and act on it.  Or finish something that is part way done.    In this instance, when I'm overwhelmed in my creative dawdling I have to make myself sit down and take an action.  Ignore the mind, tell the critic to go take a break(more about that in a future post) and do one creative thing.  I do not even have to worry about what that thing is as long as it is a tangible action and not more thinking about it.   I also don't have to worry about the quality of the creative act.....only doing - doing badly, ugly,or beautifully but DOING.

This is where Jen Louden's Conditions of Enoughness comes in handy.     This process helps you pick a simple action, do it in a measurable way, making sure it is dependent only on you to do, and when you are done you declare yourself satisfied - even if you do not feel satisfied.    

Here is a part of my overwhelm pattern I've noticed.....
When I'm in overwhelm I'm very bad a choosing a simple action.  As soon as I try to set a simple condition of enoughness (COE for short) I get more overwhelmed.   That is because choosing a COE while in that mind boogling moment of overwhelm doesn't work for me.  It is too much thinking and not yet an action.   So for me, I have to do a preview action before setting a COE.  I have to do something creative and not worry about what it is so I might draw -or scribble -or doodle -or list words.  I might crochet.  I like to use my hands.   That action calms me down.   Dance of Shiva (brain dance) also gets me out of thinking and breaks the pattern loop.   

Once I've calmed down then I can come up with some COE's that help me further along on my creative dawdling path.  They help me lessen overwhelm.    The COE's help me move forward with quantity.  The brain dance helps me notice the pattern. 

It isn't that overwhelm is never going to happen.....but it's nice to have a little clue as to what will shift the pattern and what will help move me out of drifting and procrastination.......

Are you overwhelmed?  Ever thought it's not the to do list pressing on you but your one big thing saying attend to me?  Whatever, your thing is, I wish you creative blessings.....
 
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Taking that oar and making a swish

I haven't paid any attention to my blog for weeks now. When I sign in today, I discover blogger has new templates. It may be time for me to either commit to writing this blog or not. Yet that is an *overwhelming thought. It seems easier to drift, to live in limbo, than to make a decision. And I know it is not easier ultimately. Not making a decision is also a choice. It is a decision. My future self does not want to be dealing with this decision drift in the future.

I have been feeling the need lately to broadcast. It comes up as words in my head. Sometimes it is like writing a letter to my friend Karen. Sometimes I think I ought to go post on the Comfort Cafe forum. Sometimes I just rant in my journal. I get an urge to go to Facebook. I read other forums that I never have posted on but suddenly I want to register and write a reply. Or I talk my sister's or husband's ears off about stuff they don't really need to hear about in such detail.

The above techniques I can see right now as I reflect on this is more drift............

Okay, so I am not ready to commit to ALL that is involved with writing this blog. It feels like a huge big dang do. I do know I am ready to just try making a broadcast. To explore one step at a time what that is like. I have a choice to keep drifting or to just put an oar in the water one swish at time and guide my lifeboat.

*I use the word overwhelm all the time. It has recently come to my attention that overwhelm may not be that we have so many things going on as it is we are procrastinating or avoiding that one thing. Yup, I agree. I use the word overwhelm in relation to all the things that need doing but the feeling of overwhelm is coming up because I am not tending to my need to express myself through writing and creativity. I am not broadcasting or giving my gift and consequently I start to feel I'm losing it. Buried under everything I have to do, should do, wish and desire to do..........overwhelm!!!!!!!

Ah, but it really doesn't take much to come out from overwhelm. Sure, there is work involved. I just have to turn back to making that thing, that it, that need a priority. Even a few minutes begins to get the wheels going and that buried feeling becomes - I can do this...yeah, I'm doing it! Remember to repeat.......step.........step........step...........no more steps and then your standing still.....oh here comes the pile of overwhelm............step......step.........step......you get the picture.

There are a bunch of links I could put into this post but I'm not going to bother. Because, eventually I'll get back to playing and sharing and taking the time to link.......but today it is about just taking a step or to use my paddle to make a swish ...... Instead, I'm going to declare myself satisfied and publish. If you would like links to where I learned about overwhelm or a link to the Comfort Cafe or to Jennifer Louden's satisfaction finder well leave me a comment.......

Oh and one last thing, I also arrived today to find that I have a new unknown to me follower. How cool is that?! She probably came from Karen's blog which is about the only place I comment and leave a trail to this blog. See, in addition to drifting with this blog I also put no decisions toward leaving links anywhere so anyone might find it........ that is a topic of exploration for another post......right now it is just one step at a time.

Another step will be to figure out how to find my new follower????? Oh, I know it is probably rather simple.....but I've been standing still so long.......one step at a time.........