Tonglen for the desert

When the smoke from the AZ wildfires came, this is what it looked like outside my door.  It smelled like the forest was on fire, and it was hard to even step outside to snap this photo.  That ridge is less than a mile away even though the perspective of this photo makes it look much farther away. 

Montezuma's Ridge June 6

We've had several days of clear skies again.  The wind pattern has taken the smoke to other areas.  I feel very sad and worried about the fires in Arizona.   It isn't just Arizona though.  I worry for all of the southwest.   My own state of New Mexico has had numerous fires this season.  I try not to be too anxious about where I live..........but I am anxious.  I feel dry and brittle.    I can feel the stress from all the plants.  I make sure to get water outside each morning into a low birdbath.  I saw a rabbit drinking from it yesterday evening.    That was joy for my heart to witness.   

I did not see the wildflowers much this year.  A few struggled to bloom.  The cactus is fairing better, but their blooms do not last long.  This little gem appeared one day.  I happened to catch it when I was outside giving other drought tolerant plants some supplemental water.  

Cactus bloom under pinon tree June 2011

My meditation has begun to include some tonglen. I breathe in dry brittle and breathe out moist soft.

I breathe in gratitude for exactly the way it is and I breathe out gratitude for exactly the way it will eventually change.  Each moment always changing.   What remains beyond that?

It is counter intuitive.  I don't like breathing in the dry brittle and I want to resist and bolt from my cushion.  Yet, I stay.  I return again to the practice of breathing in the dry brittle smokey fear and breathing out the moist soft clear gentleness.   This practice opens me to catch a glimpse of greater wisdom.  It calms my anxiety. 

It opens my ability to receive what is here now and beyond what it always changing.  It is like the sweetness of catching a glimpse of cactus in bloom or the happy relief of a rabbit quenching it's thirst.  It is like sending down my taproot to drink from THAT which is ever present and beyond. 

That glimpse doesn't last.   Nothing lasts.   Living is inherantly uncertain and groundless, and my anxiety comes again.  My mind rattles on to other worries.     So, I  return again to my meditation cushion each day- practicing tonglen for the desert.

Creative blessings to all who stop by.....

perspective minding

I wrote this post a few days ago, but didn't post it immediately because I wanted to add some sort of photo. Then I discovered these bugs on the glass outside on a window of our house. I used my camera and got a really micro close shot of them. Talk about a perspective change because what you see there in bugs is probably only about an inch square. These bugs were just hatching out of the little stick thingy. Amazing. My hubby did a search and identified them as seed bugs. They eat conifer seeds.

The post I wrote is below the photo....click on the photo for a larger view.



I'm preparing for a week of retreat in Taos with Jennifer Louden. I attended this retreat in 2007 when it was Jen Louden and Suzanne Falter Barnes leading together. Jen is now working with Havi Brooks. I loved the retreat with Jen and Suzanne but I'm also very excited to meet Havi and her duck Selma. I'm intrigued by the wacky Shiva Nata yogic brain stuff Havi teaches.

I could make a list of the things I'm looking forward for this retreat.... like spending time with Karen, seeing all the other lovely, creative, women who are returning from 2007. I'm looking forward to new women I'll meet (though I'm also a little nervous about that too). The Mabel Dodge Luhan house is a wild and serene artist's haven(yes, it is a paradox) and I look forward to visiting it again. And Taos. I cannot wait for the good food. The laughter and the tears. Comfort given and received from the Comfort Queen Jen Louden. I bet I could make a list much much longer than this.

What I most look forward to is a shift in perspective. We all need that from time to time. On my better days I try to work it into my daily life. Such as when I've been involved at my computer I'll make a shift by going outside. Or doing some kind of exercise. I'm not always successful or mindful about it. Retreat though is something different. It creates a container for a kind of mindfulness which opens up the possibility for all kinds of shifts in one's perspective. I look forward to that the most because I guess it has been a few years since I really retreated in length and width. I'm feeling like it is time.

Speaking of time, today Saturn moves out of Virgo and goes into Libra. This will be a shift in perspective too. I'm not much of an astrologer. But I like it as a creative process and it is something I dabble in and explore. When Saturn moved into Virgo I found myself volunteering a lot. I did a couple of years of service in my homeowner's association. I also became more and more involved with our local library. It's a library run entirely by volunteers. I found I really like the work of libraries. I did not care for the homeowner's association work so much. The other thing that happened in this 2-3 year period while Saturn moved through Virgo was I mostly stopped blogging. My previous blogs sort of lost mojo and I lost mojo to write them. This one - creative dawdling - has been sort of waiting and waiting for me. Sometimes it says to me- "Too much dawdling Kara, come back!"

I have a feeling that with Saturn's move into Libra I will be more inclined to reestablish my relationship (Libra) with writing a blog. I've been noticing the urge to express myself again. Going on a writer's retreat will give me that opportunity to look at it from other angles and feel it out in new ways. My guess is that Saturn may give me a need to create a structure and establish a more regular way of expressing with this blog. Of course, with a shift in perspective there is also the possibility that I will go in an unexpected direction. Yet, I look forward to that too.

I've been on cruise control a little bit these past few years. I like making small steps and I feel I have made progress. Yet, going off cruise control for a little bit and taking a new unknown path - one where I can't just go on auto pilot will be very good.

There will also be creative dawdling involved granted it will be more mindful creative dawdling......more when I return....blessings

word play

I really need to get some photos in here...........but that's another day...........today is about word play.


When you feel SCARED

take the letters in that word and

rearrange them

until they spell

SACRED

Focus on that. Because what one focuses on expands.

For me dawdling,

dithering,

breathing,

and being are sacred.