Give them a clubhouse

Hello.  It's been a long time since I've been here, huh.    But the committee is busy in the clubhouse so they haven't noticed that I'm slacking on my blog.......hee, hee.

My friend Karen reminded me that I never showed pictures of the clubhouse that I made for my committee.  The committee is what I call my inner critics.  They are the internal voices of doubt and fear.  No, I am not referring to a DSM-IV class of mental disorder.    I'm just referring to those parts of me that can get in the way when one is attempting creative dawdling.  I decided I really didn't have just one critic....I really had a committee of them.  Some are loud. Some are quiet.  All of them can get disruptive.   Last October when I was really negotiating with the committee I made them a clubhouse.  I got the idea from Magpie Girl.

 It is a bit hard to photograph the clubhouse......"you won't get a good picture of it so why are you trying"......ahem....(yes, that was the committee talking as I photographed their turf)

The clubhouse is a little 6 inch  by 6 inch by 4 inch place I gave the committee.  That way if they start to bother me I can tell them to go to the clubhouse.  Magpie girl gives her gremlins caramels which keeps them busy chewing instead of talking to her.  This inspired me to give my committee a whole variety of things to keep them busy.  They have a labyrinth to walk and maybe get lost following.  Actually I hope the labyrinth will calm them down and give their brains some balancing.  They have a swing which is very soothing to them.

I gave them a bit of measuring tape because you know how they love to measure me up.....this way they can do that in their clubhouse and practice for when I do ask for their advice.  This is the thing about the critic, it is actually quite helpful but it needs to be given limits.

There are some random buttons and bells and baubles that the committee can play with.  The five minute hourglass timer is a new thing I've given them.  This pleased them.

One of my favorite parts of the clubhouse is jungle print wallpaper.  I'd received some lovely birthday gifts in September and the wrapping paper, too pretty to throw away, floated around in my studio.......until the day I suddenly decided to make the clubhouse.  It is just so perfect for those wild beasts, monsters, and gremlins.......draws them right into it.  They love having an audience.

The clubhouse lives in a little corner shelf of my studio. I try to tell the committee to go for a walk while I work and remind them if they come back early to go hang out in their clubhouse.

Sometimes I feel like giving up.   It's been one of those weeks for me.  I have managed to do a little creative something everyday but none to very little of it involved clay or rusty bits.   Well, I did look through some library books about mosaic.

I have had several visions for some of my rusty bits.  First it involved learning to weld so I could weld these bits together and make some really strange and cool yard sculpture.   This makes me remember I once had a flirtation with rock climbing.  I bought shoes and started climbing walls and realized I love the idea of this more than actually doing it.  The nearly new shoes went to a sports consignment shop.  That was twenty years ago - ugh!    

Several years ago I gave up the idea of learning to weld.   It occurred to me that I did not need to try it to discover it was like rock climbing for me.  I love the idea but I strongly suspect I would not actually like doing it.  Then slowly over time my vision morphed toward making clay creations and using my rusty bits with those.  This is what I've run up against - my vision doesn't actually match what I tend to do creatively.    I see these rusty bits and clay put together in my mind and I just know it isn't my art.  It isn't what I create.   The vision is based on what I've seen others create.   Suddenly this week the committee came in and convinced me to give up.  My committee is what I call the gremlins/inner critics.   I sort of stopped doing any of the creative things I was doing with clay.

So I'm stuck.  And in a bit of funk because of it.  Ok, a lot of funk.   I am hoping to break through the funk just a little bit.  To say hey, committee, I won't give up.  I may give up the vision I have for these rusty bits, but that doesn't mean I have to give up creating.   Today, I am going to get back with my hands in the clay.  I may do some other creative things too, but first priority is to get my hands into the clay.

When I started this Art Every Day Month I thought I will push through and make something with all these rusty bits using clay.   I will focus my attention just on that.  I learned this week that I really don't want this at all.  What I mean is - I am much happier doing a creative dawdle than creating some big dang do.   I was trying to take my vision and make some big dang do.

Really what I want is to be enough.  To create what pulls me each day.  To work in small lumps, small steps.  To say one day I will create by writing my blog.  To say another day I will create in my journal.  To get out clay and form something out of it one day.....but another day paint glaze on the clay.     To photograph another day.  To not force myself into some kind of mold or vision that is outside of me.  Not that there is anything wrong with creating a big dang do it is just that I've come to realize that for me just the act of doing some tangible hands on creating everyday is enough. 

So I'm changing my mind mid-month about the rusty bits.    I am letting a lot of it go.   I still may use a bit or two in something I'm making but I've decided to be creative every day without a forced agenda.   Actually, now I can feel my energy rising.   I don't feel so much in a funk. 

I give myself permission to be enough.  And with that I am off to the studio.......
        

The Committee

spiritdoll made by Kara 1995

Eventually, every creative dawdler in action will come face to face with he/she/it/them-

Recently, I have been having conversations with my critic.   It may be more accurate to say my critic(s).  Actually, I think there is a committee of gremlins, critics, dragons, monsters and a lizard (that reptilian part of my own brain). So I've started calling them the Committee.

The Committee appears-
They show up and prevent me from doing my full out creative dawdling.
The say stop and caution.....avoid....avoid!  Sometimes they sweetly lull me away from my studio.   I think my procrastination and overwhelm is really the habit of unconsciously listening and believing everything this Committee has to say.

Appearing soon at Creative Dawdling-
I've built them a clubhouse.  I've been coloring them and listening to what they are saying.  I've begun.....gulp....to even comfort them a little bit.     I have lots to share, so this will just be my first post in a series.