Taking that oar and making a swish

I haven't paid any attention to my blog for weeks now. When I sign in today, I discover blogger has new templates. It may be time for me to either commit to writing this blog or not. Yet that is an *overwhelming thought. It seems easier to drift, to live in limbo, than to make a decision. And I know it is not easier ultimately. Not making a decision is also a choice. It is a decision. My future self does not want to be dealing with this decision drift in the future.

I have been feeling the need lately to broadcast. It comes up as words in my head. Sometimes it is like writing a letter to my friend Karen. Sometimes I think I ought to go post on the Comfort Cafe forum. Sometimes I just rant in my journal. I get an urge to go to Facebook. I read other forums that I never have posted on but suddenly I want to register and write a reply. Or I talk my sister's or husband's ears off about stuff they don't really need to hear about in such detail.

The above techniques I can see right now as I reflect on this is more drift............

Okay, so I am not ready to commit to ALL that is involved with writing this blog. It feels like a huge big dang do. I do know I am ready to just try making a broadcast. To explore one step at a time what that is like. I have a choice to keep drifting or to just put an oar in the water one swish at time and guide my lifeboat.

*I use the word overwhelm all the time. It has recently come to my attention that overwhelm may not be that we have so many things going on as it is we are procrastinating or avoiding that one thing. Yup, I agree. I use the word overwhelm in relation to all the things that need doing but the feeling of overwhelm is coming up because I am not tending to my need to express myself through writing and creativity. I am not broadcasting or giving my gift and consequently I start to feel I'm losing it. Buried under everything I have to do, should do, wish and desire to do..........overwhelm!!!!!!!

Ah, but it really doesn't take much to come out from overwhelm. Sure, there is work involved. I just have to turn back to making that thing, that it, that need a priority. Even a few minutes begins to get the wheels going and that buried feeling becomes - I can do this...yeah, I'm doing it! Remember to repeat.......step.........step........step...........no more steps and then your standing still.....oh here comes the pile of overwhelm............step......step.........step......you get the picture.

There are a bunch of links I could put into this post but I'm not going to bother. Because, eventually I'll get back to playing and sharing and taking the time to link.......but today it is about just taking a step or to use my paddle to make a swish ...... Instead, I'm going to declare myself satisfied and publish. If you would like links to where I learned about overwhelm or a link to the Comfort Cafe or to Jennifer Louden's satisfaction finder well leave me a comment.......

Oh and one last thing, I also arrived today to find that I have a new unknown to me follower. How cool is that?! She probably came from Karen's blog which is about the only place I comment and leave a trail to this blog. See, in addition to drifting with this blog I also put no decisions toward leaving links anywhere so anyone might find it........ that is a topic of exploration for another post......right now it is just one step at a time.

Another step will be to figure out how to find my new follower????? Oh, I know it is probably rather simple.....but I've been standing still so long.......one step at a time.........

Quarter speed

Well, Tuesday I was in pain and feeling calm because of it. Yesterday, was a very pleasant day, until my body seized up again. I didn't do that new moon vision board or make a SoulCollage® card. I looked through images.

Overnight, I managed to sleep and to relax my body again. Yet, I'm worn out. I also fear hurting again. So I'm on strict orders to myself to do nothing.

So why am I here writing? Well, to remind myself. I set a heavy duty intention yesterday in the new moon and feel it is important to me to show up....if only briefly.

Also, in order to do nothing I have to slow way down. And how often do we embrace SLOW?

SLOW as a meditation mindfulness practice.

What would happen if you read these words slow? What would happen if you got up slowly from your computer walked at a 1/4 of the speed you normally do and got a drink of water. Drink the water slow. (Go on you can do that, I'll still be here)

What awareness changes when you did that?

S L O W ........ is what I'm exploring today.

After lunch I'm going back to bed for more flat relaxation. I may lie still and read or listen to a relaxtion meditation on my ipod. But I will also be exploring slow and preparing myself for bringing that back into my daily life tomorrow.

Try out a few daily tasks in slow mode. What do you notice? Tell me about it if you'd like.....

Seeding your wishes on the New Moon

Geranium Seed

Last week I discovered geraniums have these really cool TWIRLY seeds. This is a geranium I moved inside over the winter. The petals make a pink mess around the plant, dropping petal confetti all over. I was sweeping up and I saw this seed shimmering in the sunlight. It looks as if it is ready to dance and spin right into the ground and grow into a new plant.

Today is the Aries New Moon. A seed is a wonderful symbol for this day. Traditionally, Aries is the first sign on an astrological wheel. Aries begins the new year in spring. And this new moon is the perfect time to plant your seed wishes for the next month and even the next year. It's a sign of new beginnings and going after what YOU want.

Aries is about going with your impulses. It's bold, courageous, and self directed. A sign to embody your authentic self and twirl right out there!

I know this new moon falls into my 6th house in my astrological chart. The 6th house is the area in one's chart that explores work, self improvement, health. It is a house about one's daily routine and self discipline. This new moon landed conjunct with my natal Saturn - so that tells me that now is a good time to create structures and persistent work.

I am wishing for:

daily creative dawdling action

writing practice

making stuff

developing the skills of a creative dawdler, dabbler, and explorer

maintaining my exercise habit and continually exploring new skills in movement

choosing and taking action! (even if it is just a small BOLD step)

improving my working environment, purging stuff I don't need anymore and using up what I have. Not saving it all for later or someday.

I want to pursue - Go! Jump right into the current moment of creating. Clear through the accumulated projects and get to a fresh new page.

I wish to track my routines. I want to be self reliable, trustworthy to myself, more consistent in my pursuit of my creative explorations.

This is what I wish on this new moon. Now I may go collage a dream board.....at least in the spirit of impulses I am going to go sift through some imagery and maybe a vision board will happen.

What do you want, wish for, desire on this New Moon?

Moving a library is a pain in the side....

I am home today. Feeling very calm because I have a pain in my front left side. It came on suddenly last night while I was sitting on the couch. I think it is a spasm or a muscle strain of my oblique on that side. I did some new core abdominal exercises on Sunday. They were challenging, but I was fine until last night. Spending 4 hours yesterday moving books might have something to do with it.

Why is it that our bodies get these sudden pains at the oddest times? It wasn't during my work at the library...no, I was sitting on the couch and suddenly I got a stitch in my side. I had to stand up and try to shimmy the cramp away. It felt just like the side pains I'd get in elementary school when the PE coach would make us run laps around the school yard. Anyway, it hasn't gone away which has lead me to believe I just strained it. Hurts to breathe deep but I keep trying because that's what I do when I'm in pain....breathe deep. I took some ibuprofen and that has given some relief. Enough that I am able to enjoy being calm.

Moving a library is no small task. The library I volunteer with is moving into a nice new building in about a week and a half. In preparation for moving the collection, I was helping to get some books interfiled together. When the library reopens in it's new digs, the fiction books will all be together. Up to this point they have been shelved together but separated into different genres. Mystery, science fiction, fiction, romance, etc..... Getting all these books alphabetized and together is no small task. We have all these space constraints for packing. In order to alphabetize multiple sections together we need shelf space we do not have in the old building....so that meant moving the same books more than once. It also meant a need to hold three sets of alphabets in my head at the same time. A lot of this interfiling work will just have to take place in the new building end after the collection is moved.

This library is staffed, run, created by all volunteers. No one is paid. The cat who patrolled for mice was paid with cat food. The cat has gone into retirement - lucky cat. She won't be needed at the new building and the only thing cats are good at in moving is being under foot. All of us volunteers, with thankfully, some help from the larger community, will be moving this library. It's work......frazzling work.

At the same time as it is tiring, I am very excited to be a part of it all. I volunteered with this library because I love libraries. Even though my brain hurt yesterday from alphabetizing three sections together I love the puzzle of it. What I have discovered in working with this library, is that I really enjoy certain library jobs. I like the puzzle. I love getting information into a format or system that allows people to find it. I love helping patrons. For a creative dawdler it is a great environment to stimulate the brain.

Now, I just pray my body will hold up. I dread the work of moving....but my brain itches to get the puzzle back together.

Lost my creative dawdler

On the 18th of January I partially wrote a post, which I never finished and posted. Partly that was due to being interrupted and also my own willingness to be interrupted. January just got completely away from me and my intentions. I sit here today kind of lost. Where was I?

A creative dawdler has to learn to start. To practice starting and even restarting. You see - there will always be interruptions or obstacles or committees.

Do you mind if I tell you a little about what happened to me? See January started off with great enthusiasm. I had a word and focus and a strong desire to get back to my blog and do some other creative things.

First I found out that my shoulder/arm pain was not a torn rotator cuff. Thankful for that. Then I found out a volunteer committee I'm on had come back to life. Then I realized - oh if I'm going to get rid of and hand off my secretary treasurer job for my homeowner's association to the next person I must do a lot work between now and February 1. That first week of January the dominoes started lining up.

Well, then I started physical therapy to help with my shoulder/arm pain. Of course I do NOT live anywhere close to the place so factor in a bunch of extra commuting time. Then it dawns on me that I have to make my schedule possible for accommodating the sudden classes for this volunteer committee that's been resurrected. Okay, no problem I make sure I can do physical therapy and attend these classes and move the cat vet appointment a week ahead.

Notice my creative dawdling time is rapidly disappearing. Then the dominoes all started to fall last week. I started the week with an appointment that had been made in November 09 (wasn't going to try to change that one since this appointment was the first available). I did hours of sec/treas work. Went to physical therapy (which at this point as they added exercises with my improvement it meant I was there longer and longer). The cat's appointment that had been moved ended up in this week. I was going from one task to another and all the details for the homeowner's sec/treas job and the details of this resurrected committee were making me feel as if my life had been swallowed. It had. My stress increased as I had less recovery time. My creative life, which is what I consider is my life, was no where to be found.

So this week I am saying, "Now where was I?" What was my intention at the beginning of the year? Oh yeah, "I choose......" was my theme. I was choosing to become a more productive creative dawdler and to attend to my creative projects. I was going to explore tracking my creative dawdling. Well, one month down and I can say I did very little creative dawdling in January.

This is an opportunity to explore. It seems not okay to say "no I cannot be on that committee anymore because that would take away from my creative dawdling time" I wanted and needed to get my shoulder better. I'd waited two and a half months for that physical therapy. I made the mistake of not recognizing the amount of time I needed to close out my work and train my sec/treasurer replacement. What I had a real choice about last month was this committee. And I just went along. I just said well I agreed to be on the committee last year - then it got shelved. Yet, here it is. Now is the time for it, and I'll make time.

And I admit I didn't choose. I was too embarrassed to say, no I cannot do this now. I really want to help this organization. I thought this is a temporary tightness in my schedule. And it is and was. Except, I feel really sad this week. I just completely abandoned my creative life. Gone. I'll never get that time back.

This week I'm still a volunteer with this organization and I wear a few hats there. I'm still on this committee. I believe it won't interfere too much in the future with my creative dawdling time, but there is a part of me that worries it will because of what happened last month. My physical therapy is going to start winding down. Thankfully, I'm much much better. I did all the work for the sec/treas job and gave it over. There are a few details, but I'm done with the job. So now I have the chance to get back to something creative.

I think this blog of mine is about practicing this muscle that says "No, I cannot do this because I must tend to my creative dawdler." How do you say no to things you care about but are less important than your creative life? Why do we in this culture minimize creativity? It seems only important if you are a bestselling author or painter or musician? I do not really believe that. I believe creativity is just as important to human beings as breathing, loving, eating, etc.... But it still feels wrong sometimes to put my need for creative puttering time ahead of the requests of people I care about.

I am proud of myself for one thing. In the month of January I stayed consistent with my exercise and I cooked meals for my husband and I. I just feel so sorry I neglected my creative life. How do you handle this when your creative life gets swallowed? Do you have any tricks for getting back to it? For starting again?

This is a quick update post........just to say I haven't forgotten about you blog. I created a schedule where I can track how I'm using my time. I'm using my timer for 15 minutes at a time to help me stay on task. I'll be back soon to elaborate on more......

Indulge the heart

Hi there blog........I guess I've been doing too much dawdling and not enough blogging. That is one of the challenges of being a creative dawdler, it is easy to slip into doing a lot of nothing and having nothing to show for it.

Lately, I've been getting the urge to come back. And also the urge to keep track of my creative dawdling. Blogging about it seems like the next action step.

I do believe one can be a creative dawdler and be productive. Though, at first glance, the two seem at odds or opposites of each other. I've spent oh.....15 years if not more, minimizing, hiding, putting down myself as a creative dawdler. When you do that to yourself you become less productive and really not very much fun to be around. See, if they are connected that way..... why wouldn't a little celebrating, expressing, and praising creative dawdling have the opposite effect and make one more productive? In 2010 I'm going to explore this question.

So here's a toast to 2009. Raise up your glass of whatever you are indulging in. Still here. Still creative. Still alive with a beating heart and indulging in another year. Grateful for it.

As I turn the page to 2010. I am going to explore and experiment with tracking my creative dawdling. Come along with me.....I invite you to add your voice to mix.