Tonglen for the desert

When the smoke from the AZ wildfires came, this is what it looked like outside my door.  It smelled like the forest was on fire, and it was hard to even step outside to snap this photo.  That ridge is less than a mile away even though the perspective of this photo makes it look much farther away. 

Montezuma's Ridge June 6

We've had several days of clear skies again.  The wind pattern has taken the smoke to other areas.  I feel very sad and worried about the fires in Arizona.   It isn't just Arizona though.  I worry for all of the southwest.   My own state of New Mexico has had numerous fires this season.  I try not to be too anxious about where I live..........but I am anxious.  I feel dry and brittle.    I can feel the stress from all the plants.  I make sure to get water outside each morning into a low birdbath.  I saw a rabbit drinking from it yesterday evening.    That was joy for my heart to witness.   

I did not see the wildflowers much this year.  A few struggled to bloom.  The cactus is fairing better, but their blooms do not last long.  This little gem appeared one day.  I happened to catch it when I was outside giving other drought tolerant plants some supplemental water.  

Cactus bloom under pinon tree June 2011

My meditation has begun to include some tonglen. I breathe in dry brittle and breathe out moist soft.

I breathe in gratitude for exactly the way it is and I breathe out gratitude for exactly the way it will eventually change.  Each moment always changing.   What remains beyond that?

It is counter intuitive.  I don't like breathing in the dry brittle and I want to resist and bolt from my cushion.  Yet, I stay.  I return again to the practice of breathing in the dry brittle smokey fear and breathing out the moist soft clear gentleness.   This practice opens me to catch a glimpse of greater wisdom.  It calms my anxiety. 

It opens my ability to receive what is here now and beyond what it always changing.  It is like the sweetness of catching a glimpse of cactus in bloom or the happy relief of a rabbit quenching it's thirst.  It is like sending down my taproot to drink from THAT which is ever present and beyond. 

That glimpse doesn't last.   Nothing lasts.   Living is inherantly uncertain and groundless, and my anxiety comes again.  My mind rattles on to other worries.     So, I  return again to my meditation cushion each day- practicing tonglen for the desert.

Creative blessings to all who stop by.....